Developing Dependency on External Help and Methods to Overcome It

Dependency on external help (DEH) is a condition where a person cannot or does not want to handle tasks independently and constantly seeks support or advice from others. This phenomenon can be observed in many areas of our lives: personal, professional, and social.

In personal life, DEH manifests when people cannot make simple decisions without consulting someone else. Imagine this scenario: you're deciding between pizza and sushi for dinner and you call a friend for advice. That's a prime example of dependency!

At work, it shows up as constantly turning to colleagues or superiors for instructions on every step. This could range from asking someone to proofread every email before sending it to needing approval for all actions on a project.

The social sphere isn't exempt either. Here, dependency might appear as a need for approval from others for any activity—whether it's posting a photo on social media or organizing a party.

Let's try to define this phenomenon: DEH is a pathological need for support, advice, or directions from others to perform tasks that could very well be handled independently.

To put it more scientifically: "DEH is when your inner voice is so quiet that you need to amplify it through the loudspeaker of others' opinions."

As we can see, the problem is multifaceted and manifests in numerous ways. While humor can help ease the discussion of this topic, it actually requires serious consideration. Understanding the key aspects of this dependency lays the foundation for overcoming it and further exploring deeper causes and coping methods.

To grasp why some of us can't assemble IKEA furniture without help from friends or even random passersby, we need to delve into the historical, social, and genetic prerequisites of this dependency.

Starting with the historical aspect: if you've ever wondered why your ancestors constantly sought advice from tribal elders before making important decisions, the answer is simple—it was a survival strategy. In ancient times, collective wisdom was crucial for survival. Guidance and advice helped avoid dangers and find food. Thus, DEH was a vital adaptation.

Fast forward to more modern times—the Industrial Revolution introduced significant changes to social structures. With the advent of complex technologies and labor specialization, people began to rely more on experts and specialists. If your great-grandfather was a blacksmith who could fix anything with his own hands, nowadays such skills often require diplomas and certifications. This shift has fostered a culture of dependency on professionals.

Social norms also play a significant role in developing dependency. In modern society, we often evaluate ourselves through the lens of others' opinions. Social media has amplified this tendency to the extreme: likes and comments have become markers of our success or failure in the eyes of others. Perhaps that's why it's so hard to decide on dinner without external approval—we've grown accustomed to constant validation through external signals.

Now, let's consider genetic predispositions. Yes, you can partly blame your great-grandparents for this one! Research indicates that levels of anxiety can be partially hereditary. People with higher anxiety levels are more likely to seek external support when making decisions to reduce their stress. A genetic predisposition to anxiety might explain our tendency to seek approval and advice even on the most trivial matters.

However, it's important not to place all the blame on your DNA or culture—recognizing these factors as parts of the complex puzzle of your personality is crucial. From there, you can begin to take steps toward greater independence, one step at a time.

To fully understand why we often call our moms for laundry advice or ask a coworker to help with work tasks, we need to explore the psychological mechanisms underlying this phenomenon.

Let's start with attachment styles. Research shows that our early interactions with parents or caregivers form certain attachment styles, which then influence our adult behavior. If you had a reliable and supportive parent, you might have developed a "secure" attachment style—such individuals are usually confident and capable of solving problems independently. However, if your parents were inconsistent or overly controlling, this could lead to an "anxious" or "avoidant" attachment style. People with an anxious style tend to seek approval and support from others to cope with internal conflicts and insecurities.

Next, consider the concept of learned helplessness. Psychologists Martin Seligman and Steven Maier introduced this term in the 1960s after experiments with dogs. They found that animals (and later humans) who repeatedly faced situations where they couldn't control the outcome began to believe they were incapable of influencing situations—even when they actually could. This forms a behavioral pattern where a person automatically seeks external help instead of attempting to solve problems independently.

We should also mention cognitive models of thinking—the ways we perceive the world and interpret events around us. People with a negative cognitive style are more inclined to see difficulties as insurmountable obstacles and feel incapable of handling them alone. This can push them to seek external support to validate their self-worth or solve problems.

Now it makes sense: your habitual call to your mom for laundry advice isn't just coincidence or laziness; it's the result of long-standing psychological behavior patterns!

To understand how DEH affects personality and behavior, let's examine several key aspects.

Starting with personality traits: individuals prone to DEH often develop characteristics like self-doubt and excessive caution. They may question their ability to handle tasks independently and rely on others to make important decisions. This lack of confidence can hinder their personal growth and self-fulfillment.

Self-esteem also suffers under the weight of dependency. When a person constantly seeks approval or help from others, their self-worth becomes unstable and dependent on external opinions. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy or incompetence without others' support. Such an approach to self-esteem makes a person vulnerable to criticism and negative feedback.

Moreover, DEH significantly influences social behavior. People with this dependency often complain about their problems not so much to get advice but to find someone to solve their issues for them. They tend to shift responsibility for their tasks onto others, using complaints as a tool to elicit help. Instead of seeking ways to resolve issues independently, they prefer someone else to take over. This can manifest in various ways—from asking for "help understanding" something to expecting others to handle all the actions needed to fix a problem.

Behavioral patterns in social contexts also change under the influence of dependency. For example, highly dependent individuals may avoid complex situations or responsibilities due to fear of failure. They prefer to stay within their comfort zones and avoid risks, limiting their opportunities for growth and development.

Such individuals may exhibit increased anxiety in social interactions. Fear of judgment or misunderstanding prompts them to seek constant support from close friends or colleagues. This leads them to become more withdrawn and less proactive in communication.

Another important aspect is the tendency to avoid difficulties. People with a high degree of dependency often procrastinate on problem-solving or try to avoid issues altogether. For instance, that friend who always cancels plans at the last minute is a classic example of such behavior. Fear of potential challenges makes them steer clear of situations that require independent decision-making.

Recognizing the consequences of such dependency is vital for personal development and social interactions. Awareness allows for the identification of areas ripe for growth and self-improvement.

To understand how our environment and culture influence the development of dependency on external help (DEH), we need to analyze several key factors. Let's consider how friends, family, and cultural norms can contribute to this dependency and why sometimes it's genuinely easier to ask for help than to try solving the problem on our own.

Starting with the influence of our surroundings: our friends and family play a significant role in shaping our habits and behavior patterns. If we're surrounded by people who frequently offer help or regularly seek assistance themselves, this becomes the norm for us. For example, if your parents were always ready to lend a helping hand during tough times or raised you in an atmosphere of constant support, you might become accustomed to external help being a natural part of life. As a result, you may come to believe that asking for help is not only normal but even preferable.

Cultural norms also have a huge impact on our tendency to seek assistance. In some cultures, collectivism is valued over individualism—helping each other is seen as a virtue and a crucial element of society's social fabric. This is especially noticeable in Eastern cultures, where family ties and mutual aid are of paramount importance. On the other hand, Western cultures often encourage self-reliance and independence as essential personal qualities. However, even in these societies, there are subconscious expectations that certain tasks are better handled with the support of others—or by others altogether.

Now let's talk about social habits and norms in our society. Modern life often dictates a fast pace and high standards of efficiency. In such an environment, it's sometimes easier to ask a colleague or friend for a quick solution rather than spend time studying and resolving the issue independently. For instance, if you're working on a complex project at work or learning something new at home (yes, that pesky IKEA furniture again), it can be much faster to get a ready-made solution from someone more experienced.

Additionally, social pressure can drive us to seek approval through requests for help. When we turn to others for advice or support, we validate their expertise or importance to us. This creates a sense of social connection and strengthens relationships within the group. However, this dynamic can also lead to developing DEH as a means to maintain these connections.

Let's not forget the influence of media: countless expert tips in all areas of life are constantly broadcast through television, the internet, and social media. We become accustomed to trusting the opinions of "specialists," often forgetting about our own ability to think critically and make independent decisions.

In the end, perhaps it's time to challenge ourselves! Try assembling that darn wardrobe without the instructions just once—who knows? You might discover hidden talents as an engineer or designer!

When discussing the influence of family and upbringing on our tendency toward DEH in adulthood, it's important to recognize that connections with parents and family members remain significant even after we've left the nest. These relationships can either foster our independence or keep us in a state of perpetual dependency.

Let's start by examining parenting styles. Numerous theories explore how different parenting approaches affect personality development. One well-known framework distinguishes between authoritarian, authoritative (democratic), and permissive styles. Authoritarian parents often impose strict rules and high expectations without providing adequate emotional support. As a result, children may grow up either extremely dependent on external approval or, conversely, overly independent to the point of avoiding any help.

The authoritative parenting style strikes a balance between control and support. Parents set clear boundaries but also encourage their children's independence. Kids from such families typically develop healthy self-esteem and confidence in their abilities, which helps them solve problems independently in adulthood.

Permissive parents offer their children a lot of freedom without setting strict rules or expectations. This can lead to children growing up with a sense of entitlement and a lack of understanding about the need for personal effort to achieve goals. Adult children of such parents may frequently seek help even when they could handle tasks themselves.

Family expectations also play a crucial role in shaping our adult behavior. For example, if your family always emphasized the importance of mutual assistance and collectivism (remember Grandma with her endless pies for the whole family), you might find it challenging to abandon this behavioral model even as an independent adult.

However, this doesn't mean that family ties inevitably lead to dependency on external help. On the contrary, healthy relationships with family can be an excellent source of support without compromising your independence. It's important to find a balance between accepting help and developing your own autonomy.

So, how do you strike this balance? First, it's essential to recognize your own needs and aspirations: when is external help truly necessary, and when can you attempt to solve the task on your own? Cultivating self-reflection helps identify areas where you can grow independently without constantly relying on others.

It's also important to learn how to set boundaries—for yourself and your loved ones. If your mom is accustomed to calling every evening to ask, "Did you have dinner?" perhaps it's time to gently communicate your need for personal space (and maybe learn a couple of new recipes in the process).

Don't underestimate the importance of communication skills. Being able to openly discuss your needs helps prevent misunderstandings in family relationships. The more honestly you convey your desire to become a more independent person (without hurtful remarks like "Mom/Dad/Grandma/Grandpa, stop controlling me!"), the easier it will be for everyone involved to adapt to the new dynamics.

In summary, the influence of family on our tendency to seek external help remains significant even into adulthood. However, by recognizing our needs and developing self-reflection skills, it's possible to achieve a balance between support from loved ones and our own independence.

When we talk about dependency on external factors, it's important to realize that its impact goes far beyond a simple unwillingness to solve problems independently. Dependency infiltrates our thinking and behavior, spreading to various aspects of life much like a virus. This is where the concept of a fractal comes into play—a phenomenon where a small structure repeats the overall form at different scales.

Similarly, DEH acts like a fractal. It starts in one aspect of life—for example, asking for help at work—and gradually spreads to others: managing finances, household tasks, and even emotional needs. Over time, this pattern of dependency repeats in various areas of life, much like fractal structures where each part reflects the principle of the whole. Once dependency takes root, it creates a "mental fractal"—essentially cloning the model of avoiding self-reliance in all life situations.

This perspective helps us see the bigger picture of how mental attitudes affect our physical well-being. Research shows that chronic stress and anxiety are linked to a constant feeling of helplessness and an inability to cope with problems. Continual reliance on external sources of support leads to increased levels of cortisol—the stress hormone that negatively affects the immune system and overall health.

Moreover, dependency on external help hinders personal growth. People begin to avoid challenges and opportunities for development, fearing they won't manage independently. This creates a vicious cycle: the more we avoid difficulties, the stronger DEH becomes, blocking further growth.

The social aspect is equally important. Constant requests for help can irritate those around us, potentially leading to social isolation. No one wants to feel used. Like in a fractal, a small crack in relationships can grow into a deep rift, affecting all social interactions.

Thus, DEH not only impedes our personal growth but also harms our physical health through mechanisms of stress and anxiety. The fractal nature of this behavior, repeated across different spheres, leads to a systematic deterioration in the quality of life.

When it comes to dependency, few things compare to the vicious cycle of its medicinal counterpart. Have you ever noticed how easy it is to succumb to the temptation of a quick fix? Got a headache? Take a pill. Feeling nervous before an important meeting? Pop a sedative. But what happens when these "magic pills" become an inseparable part of your daily existence?

Medication dependency mirrors the same DEH pattern we've discussed, manifesting as a tendency to shift responsibility onto external forces. This fractal principle is fully at work here, only the external forces are drugs. Medications turn into crutches that support the illusion of control.

Addressing health problems exclusively through medication is like fixing a leaky roof with a bucket. Initially, it seems the symptom is eliminated, but the source of the problem remains. Medications become another link in the DEH chain, replacing personal responsibility with chemical means. One headache pill can easily turn into a habit of using pills for any problem—from physical to emotional.

This vicious cycle is complicated by the body's adaptation to drugs, requiring ever larger doses for the same effect. DEH replicates itself, and now we shift responsibility not only onto people but also onto pills. Every new problem demands a new chemical solution, deepening the dependency.

Why is this medicinal approach so dangerous? First, medications only alleviate symptoms without addressing the root causes. For example, if a headache is caused by stress or lifestyle factors, painkillers will merely mask it, leaving the underlying issue untouched. Second, there's a risk of addiction, increased dosages, and side effects, leading to physical dependency.

When a person chooses medications not for treatment but for relief, it repeats the DEH scenario: an attempt to avoid making independent decisions. Regular use of medication not only leads to physical dependency but also strengthens psychological dependency. As with emotional dependency on external help, the person loses faith in their own strength and ability to cope with difficulties without chemical support.

This closed loop not only harms health but also leaves an imprint on the psyche. Each time you solve a problem with a pill instead of finding its true cause, you further reinforce your DEH.

Medication dependency isn't just another twist of DEH; it's its most dangerous form. It hinders personal growth and damages physical health, increasing anxiety, stress, and dependence on external factors.

Let's start by acknowledging that being self-reliant isn't about mastering the art of assembling IKEA furniture without a single glance at the instructions (although if you can do that, you definitely belong in the Hall of Fame of Self-Reliant People). It's about the ability to handle everyday tasks and make important decisions without constantly needing to ask for help.

The first step in developing self-reliance is recognizing your responsibility for your own life. Yes, it sounds like a cliché from a self-help book, but the truth is, no one can live your life for you. Start small—take responsibility for your decisions. This includes everything from choosing your breakfast to making significant professional choices. Initially, it might seem daunting, but remember: every small step toward independence makes you stronger and more confident.

Now let's move on to time and resource management. Have you ever noticed how easy it is to spend an entire day watching cat videos? Time management is a skill that requires discipline and practice. Try using day-planning methods: make to-do lists (but not endless ones!), set priorities, and break large projects into smaller tasks.

Regarding resource management, it's important to learn how to assess your capabilities and allocate them wisely across different areas of life. Financial planning is one of the key elements of this process. Create a budget and stick to it! If you have a tendency to spend money on unnecessary things (hello, yet another coffee maker), try tracking your expenses and analyzing them monthly.

The next stage is overcoming procrastination. We know—putting things off is an art many of us have perfected. But you can fight it! Start with the "Pomodoro Technique": set a timer for 25 minutes and focus solely on one task during that time. After that, take a short break (5 minutes) and repeat the process. This approach helps break work into manageable time intervals and reduces feelings of overwhelm.

Don't forget the importance of self-education. Reading self-development books or taking online courses can significantly broaden your horizons and provide new tools for solving problems independently. Remember—it's never too late to learn!

Finally, develop critical thinking skills. In any situation, try to analyze information yourself before accepting someone else's viewpoint as the ultimate truth. Ask questions, seek out different sources of information, and form your own opinion.

If you've ever felt that fear of failure, self-doubt, or perfectionism is holding you back, welcome to the club. These are some of the most insidious internal barriers that prevent us from acting independently and achieving success. But don't worry—you can overcome them. Let's figure out how.

Let's talk about fear of failure. This monster often hides under the bed of our expectations and emerges at the most inconvenient times. To defeat it, start with small steps—set realistic goals and gradually achieve them. Remember, no one is born an expert! Mistakes are a natural part of the learning and growth process. View them as experience, not as failures.

Now let's address self-doubt. It often stems from negative thoughts and low self-esteem. One effective way to combat this is by keeping a success journal. Write down your achievements (even the smallest ones) every day and reread them from time to time. This will help you see your strengths and boost your confidence. In extreme cases, you can look back and see how far you've come.

Perfectionism is another enemy of self-reliance. It makes us postpone tasks or avoid them altogether out of fear of not doing something well enough. Try practicing the principle of a "good enough" result; sometimes it's better to do something imperfectly than not at all. Break large tasks into smaller stages and focus on gradual progress.

Changing negative thoughts requires working on cognitive thinking patterns. Try to become aware of your automatic thoughts and replace them with positive affirmations. For example, instead of saying, "I'll never get this right," tell yourself, "I'm learning something new every day." Gradually, this process will become a habit.

Don't underestimate the importance of support from those around you. Surround yourself with people who inspire you and believe in your potential. Sometimes it's crucial to hear words of encouragement from a close friend or mentor to overcome internal doubts.

Practice meditation or other relaxation techniques to reduce stress levels and improve self-control. This will help you stay calm even in challenging situations and make well-considered decisions.

Overcoming psychological barriers is a key step toward developing self-reliance and achieving success in all areas of life!